Wonder how many days in our lives we sit and watch it rain...

I mean we already spend half our lives sleeping… Well a normal person does… then a sixth of our lives is spent in the bathroom cleaning etc… Haha. Ah but what about the rest of it, when it rains we never actually go outside as much as if it was sunny… You never really can be bothered to go outside and get wet and in addition to that who wants wet feet? Yuck!

Whereas if it is sunny you want to be outside lapping up the rays right? So how much time do we actually waste just staring out of the window wishing we were somewhere else doing something else and wishing we were another person? I seem to find myself in that situation all the time to be honest… i wish i was on holiday or i wish i was somebody else who was successful and had a whole future ahead that would work out. You know the whole fate thing were your path is already decided and therefore you don’t really have a choice, everything is already decided and in effect you have no major part in your own life… i guess that freaks me out just a much as having to make every decision and therefore facing every consequence… MANN why isn’t life easy, why cant you simply literally take it day by day.. where nothing you do really mattered you have the chance to always make it right again and nobody is out of your reach? why does it always seem to depend and come down to one conversation one argument one day… One one one… it never comes down to you and me, its always me having to make the bigger decision and make the final choice. i hate it, i hate that you are never willing to make the decision… you haven’t got the balls to face it! Mister T would by disappointed…

The day life becomes easy and i find the point to life… then ill be the one to stop being scared that every decision i make will ruin the rest of my life… i want to be able to make a decision that has no chance of bringing the rest of my life down around me. sure i want to be happy and i want to enjoy life and i do most of the time… but at the moment i am too busy being careful not to upset or lose anyone… i don’t want to hurt you i don’t want to hurt anyone… i just want everyone to be happy i wish i could wake up in the morning and be surrounded by friends and family that were happy and content with their own lives… it will never happen because the world is never fair and we are British and therefore nobody goes a day without complaining about something even if it is only the weather… but everyday is a day in which people can hold their heads up high and they should be happy to be alive… if you are alive enough to complain you are alive enough to appreciate life… rant over x

Ah thinking back to the past… Who could tell it would be such a shock to realise that they held such happy memories and that lets be honest we actually do use the past to determine our present judgements. Who would have guessed that the advice we got from parents and teachers and even each other actually helped in some situations we have faced since then? Who would have known that the really annoying kid in the back of your class throwing those paper planes and getting you lunch time detention was the only one guy you respect and trust today? Do you think that if someone had come to us when we were 13 and told us how it would be now we would roll around the floor crying with laughter? Or would we be banging our heads against the tables for being so stupid in some of the decisions we took and could then change? Risk and Change are to be honest my two big hang ups... I mean risk is usually take it or leave it, leave it usually resolves in life remaining pretty similar to how it is now… take it and everything effectively changes in one way of another… But what if it doesn’t work? Or if it just leads to more decisions and mess-ups... More hurt, tears and bitch fights? Ah but then what if it leaves to smiles, laughter and happiness… Do you risk taking a chance or do you chance taking a risk? In my world its all too daunting and confusing to be honest… but staying where I am just seems to lead to arguments and then I get left behind… Life gives you all of these lessons but can it really help you when you don’t know the objectives? Experiences comes from already living the mistakes and cleaning up the mess you make in day to day life, and the knowledge develops when you stop other people falling down the holes that deceived you… The most important lesson in life is that everyday is a new day you cant live in the passed because you will miss the chance of a future x